I’m not “that girl”… I’m just… Me

Recently I took a “break” from blogging then came back and deleted all of the posts that I had previously written. My excuse was that I wanted to “start fresh” and take my blog in a more purposeful direction. The truth is it was because I felt like had failed. I was hiding from being exposed and wanted a distraction from reality. When we log on to our various social networking accounts we truly can be anyone that we want to be. Brad Paisley wrote a song called “online”. The song talks about everyone being “cooler online”, in the song he expresses that when he gets home and fires up his Macbook he is taller, thinner, richer and more interesting. It is entertaining to think of the fictional lives we could lead but when we rest our heads at night we have to sleep with our organic self.

Well, it’s time to be honest with ME because I’ve been doing some pretending lately….

#1) I have not accepted my body exactly how it is. For me the term “weight” has never been numerical. When I weighed 218 pounds – I had never seen that number on a scale or in writing prior to my first Weight Watcher meeting. I knew I was “fat” and “over weight” but had no idea what my actual numerical weight was. How did I know my weight was not acceptable besides the fact that very few stores carried size 18? Well, obviously when I looked in the mirror I saw a figure that was growing in size. I slowly began not to recognize the features or the disposition of that person and worst of all she was completely empty. Then there was the fact that very rarely did anyone compliment me, touch me or even get to know me for that matter. It seemed that people were afraid of me. Or maybe it was that summer when I wanted to go down a water slide and the employee of the park questioned my ability. None of these are the reason why I joined Weight Watchers but they were my reality for many years.
In my eyes there is always room for modification and word on the street is that we are never completely satisfied with our appearance but I know that I want to lose more weight to get closer to being the best version of myself that I can be. Please do not misunderstand what I wrote. I have a high level of self wroth and I do not base it solely on my physic/appearance but I want to be more comfortable in my own skin. I try not to associate my body image with a numerical value. Instead it has always been a reflection of how I feel and how I see myself. I believe that my results from exercising and eating better have provided me with a tremendous amount of pride and I know I can take myself to a deeper gratification level once I focus.

#2) I have a very rooted desire to improve my relationship with foods. I hope to become comfortable enough to share some of the darkness that I still experience so these struggles can become more approachable. I have come a long way but the path isn’t ready to end yet.

#3) I long to become a lifetime member at Weight Watchers. (Yes, you read right – I still have not got to my goal weight at Weight Watchers. I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds for the past 6 months.) It really would mean a lot to me to accomplish this simply because when it comes to self improvement projects I tend to surrender. In no other aspect of my life do I accept anything less than complete effort, why should my identity be treated differently?

#4) I want to be more consistent with how balanced I eat. I have begun to let go of habits that enriched my day so I need to reel it back in.

#5) Ultimately, I want to give being a Weight Watchers Leader a shot and to do so I have to be confident in what believe in.

The truth is I have finally decided that I am going persevere even though I’m fatigued. I can accomplish these things if I want them badly enough. For so long I have put EVERYONE else’s needs before my own, but today I deserve to feel fulfilled and not settle for second best! I will rewrite my history….

I avoided claiming that I am going to do a list of crazy irrational things to reach these goals purposely. All I needed to solidify is that I believe I am capable. My goal is just to be better today than I was yesterday.

Each of the categories require further development, so I’m going to go be with my thoughts for a while. Be back soon!

While I’m gone why don’t you go ahead and find something about yourself that is unique?

Away we go!

Signing off until we get back from our vacation in Key West! I hope all of you have kicked your summer off to the right note. I better come back hella tan! All week I've been day dreaming of waves crashing, sun shining, the smell of sunblock and an adult beverage in my hand while I bum it in my swim suit.

But before I go I wanted to share something sweet with you -

Around the holiday season Angela over at OSG mentioned a man who collectes produce stickers because he makes art by reusing the stickers and sells some of his work for charity.

Well, I collected my stickers for a few months then kind of forgot. Recenlty, I got tired of seeing the plastic bag with stickers all over it taped to my desk so I sent them off to him not sure if he still wanted them. This week I got a surprise from him! A thank you note. If you wanna check out his master peices here is the link.
Peace Out - Can't wait to tell you all about our trip. The laptop is not invited - Just me and my brown eyed boy!

How we roll....

We are totally that couple who chooses a cozy night in over the night out at a crowded loud over priced restaurant. I don’t know if our souls are old or if we are just anti-social or if it’s our budget but we eat at home the majority of the time. Do not get me wrong – I enjoy having a break from dish duty and I love indulging in scrumptious menus with elaborate options and good service but its occasional that we dress up and go out to dinner. The majority of the couples we know in our age range eat out as often as we cook at home. Unfortunately – that not how we roll. I appreciate knowing exactly how my food was cooked and what the actual ingredients are. Since next Friday we will be Key West Bound for our mini 3 day get away I am attempting to cook every meal at home from now until we leave because

(#1) I want to have more money to spend while we are away

(#2) We must use the food in the house or it will go to waste

(#3) It will be a fun challenge. We usually eat out one lunch and one dinner from a “To-Go” restaurant weekly, most of the time it’s on the weekends.

The slow cooker is brewing while I type, let the battle being!

If you’re interested I decided to share my meal plan with you this week.

Thursday: Slow Cooker White Bean Chicken Chili W/ White Rice and Kale Chips

Friday: Balsamic Bone In Pork Chops W/ Scalloped Chive Potatoes

Saturday: Beef Egg Rolls W/ Knockoff Fried Rice


Brunch --> Avocado Bacon Burgers W/ Baked Fries for the boys and I will have parsnip peanut butter wedges
Dinner --> Fettuccine Asparagus Chicken Alfredo

Monday: Homemade Chicken Pesto Pizza W/ Cesar Salad

Tuesday: (My brother's BirthDAY DINNER request) Savory Slow Cooker Pork Loin W/ Spanish rice and Tostones

Wednesday: Lasagna W/ White Rice and Avocado

Thursday: Stuffed Pork Chop W/ Baked Potatoes and Broccoli

Friday: Key West Bound

Yeah – you read right we have white rice with our lasagna. That is because this isn’t your traditional lasagna. It isn’t soupy and cheesy- I call it “Spanish Style” because its similar to the recipe Orlando's mother made when they lived in Puerto Rico. Spanish people eat rice with EVERYTHING. Maybe I’ll do a post about it….

By the way: The spin instructor who tough during the week at my gym isn’t teaching anymore because she went on maternity leave and we met her replacement last night. Not going to lie I don’t love this new lady. I’ll give it a little while and see if she grows on me, its tough adjusting to a new teaching style – I guess I'm baised since MRS. PREGO was my favorite! She was just so damn cute!

Happy Friday Eve. Looking forward to having Friday off next week. Woop Woop
Don’t mind me while I sip this cup of hot tea to avoid the 3PM munchies!

I was wondering if most people do a weekly meal plan or just wing it? I have to have an outline or I would end up spending my whole entire paycheck on food!